We are not born to fear. We are born to be brave.
Within months of learning to walk the child will begin to hear the word “no,” some psychologists say at a pace of 400 times per day. That is 146,000 times in the child’s first year of walking. The word “no” is for the child’s protection or often for the parents’ need for rest. If you are around kids, count your NO responses. Tell yourself NO as many times. Pain will ensue.
We are not born with fear, it is learned. “No” means rejection when it may have been meant for correction. Being told “no” can create a feeling of sadness, despair, and loss of control. Hopelessness sets in and chases bravery out. The “fear of being rejected is born and harvested daily.” Some children begin to take fewer risks for fear of the word “no.”
SALES LOOKS SO EASY
Later in life when the child becomes an adult and enters the field of sales, there is a high expectation of success fueled by bravery. We say to ourselves “I can do this.” “I am a winner, a conqueror!” I will make $100,000 in my first year! A $1,000,000 after that. Confidence is very high even though the skills are very low. Others tell you “that you will make it.” With this encouragement, the journey begins.
THE FIRST TIME YOU HEAR “NO”
What occurs for most salespeople on the very first day is the “hearing of the first NO.” Cortisol is released into your bloodstream, stress rises, fear increases, and bravery disappears. The word NO can bring up old hurts. Wounds that never healed.
Often it takes just one NO to have a spike in these chemicals into your system and we tell ourselves, “Perhaps I should head in another direction.” A Realtor Robert in Texas recently said to me just one day after pursuing Expired Listings, “I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t want to work with people that don’t want me.” Sarah in St. Louis said, “I am convinced that no For Sale By Owner will ever list their house.” Sarah has what is called “all or none thinking.” Sarah quit on her second day.
I have worked with a great many Loan Officers. Diana feared agents like agents fear By Owners. In speaking with her, she said “I know they will tell me no, so why bother?“
WHEN SALES TRAINING IS USELESS
Mindset is more important than skill set. It does not matter what the brand is, or what the training program contains if the sales force “fears the word no.” Sales forces last longer, succeed more, and can grow larger if by design positive chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin are released in the brain. It is “the most important facet” of the training program.
WE ARE BORN BRAVE
I have been “Called to Real Estate.” Almost 40 years ago I chose to be a Realtor, an investor, co-owner of a mortgage company, a title company, and owned my own real estate firm. I have been a speaker and a coach to agents and loan officers. I love the people of real estate.
I stand against sending an agent out onto the sales battlefield that is not equipped to fight the inner battle of the mind. They retreat too quickly and leave the battlefield intimidated by their fears. We stand with you.
Check out our programs:
Open Houses
Fulfilling Your Purpose
Loan Officers
Mastery Performance
FSBO & Expireds
Prospecting System
Bryan Kelsey
Born in Woodstock Illinois and lived in Chicago suburb Fox River Grove. Moved to St. Louis in 1980 through 2021. Now in sunny Cape Coral, Florida.
I started my sales career going door to door in the early 1980’s. I moved into computer programming in order to have a “safe career” however due to corporate downsizing I was given a POTSEE. “A permanent opportunity to seek employment elsewhere.”
At the time losing a job seemed like the worst thing that could happen however it was a blessing as I entered the real estate world and that is when life’s opportunities opened up.
The joy of my life is my son and his family. I have an amazing son Benjamin and his wife Hannah and am grandfather to Ben, Judah, and Esther.
- Cancer survivor since 2011
- Founder of Excelsior Relocation
- Founder of Fox Financial Realty
- Acquired Relocation Management
- Acquired Relocation Services
- Historically had been in the top five Realtors in the state of Missouri
- Was the top Re/Max and Coldwell Banker agent in Mo during my career
- Was a manager for Prudential (now Berkshire Hathaway)
- Was co-owner of Benchmark Title
- Was co-owner of Redstone Lending
- Has coached Realtors ranging from 10 million to 100 million in production
- Successfully coached Loan Officers
- Coached London-based financial planners
- Was an adjunct professor at the University of Missouri through The Center for Financial Education
- Founder of Fox Financial (Property Acquisitions with Jim Stern)
- Founder of Born to be Brave: Real Estate
Upcoming Book
It is my belief that if our courage followed by commitment and consistency is just 1% greater than our fears, our self-doubts, and our self-limitations that 1% will be the tipping point in our lives. We do not need a “complete makeover”. Giving up, giving in is so easy to do. We all have two internal voices with the negative often having greatest control as it speaks to our strongest emotions. Yet, can it be the opposite?
Donna’s Story – I Drink All Day
The question we asked Donna was, “What is the belief you have that is undermining your life’s goal?” What is your BUG?
Here is her story.
I have a drinking problem. But it is not what you think. You may laugh when you hear it. I have to hide it from my family because they are tired of it. Each morning before work I stop by the liquor store. I park on the side so none of my friends see me going in. I get back in my car, twist open the bottle, and begin to chug. I cannot help myself. I am so satisfied when I take the last sip. It is not alcohol but soda. Each day I drink at least a liter of Dr. Pepper. It may sound ridiculous to some. That is one of the LIES I believe, that “I have to drink.”
If I tell others about my problem they will judge me. People laugh when I tell them. But it consumes me. I have to drink. I am both satisfied and filled with regret at the same time. I am ashamed that I cannot stop.
My mother says that I should stop. I know that I should but I can’t stop and never will. I have a BUG in my brain!
So at lunch break today at the office, I will sit in my car and drink two more cans of soda. I drink before I go to church so I can cope. My habit forces me to lie, to conceal, to deceive.
IF YOUR STORY CAN INSPIRE ONE LIFE – IT IS WORTH TELLING
Would you share about BUGs? The Beliefs Undermining Goals in your life. We at Born to be Brave would love to hear about your life. With your permission, we may include it in our upcoming book.
In the sales field, I know hundreds of Realtors and Loan Officers who have BUGs. Sales reps quit too often and too fast. Families and companies will be more productive when we address the BUGs in our lives. Sales has been my career. That is my work mission.
Leadership and a New Reality
I interviewed many Realtors to hear the things in life that challenge them. Here are some of their brief thoughts.
I have quit smoking 100 times. I just cannot stay the course. I can never lose this weight. I have come to accept it. I will never earn a high income. My parents didn’t love me. My daughter will never speak with me again. I am not good enough. Nobody really likes me. This pain will never stop. I need a drink, now! I have to shoot up now! I must go online and look where I shouldn’t. That won’t work, why should I try. Lies. All lies. Lies that control our brains. These and 100 others control and destroy.
WE ALL HAVE SOMETHING TO HIDE
• Habits
• Impulses
• Distractions
• Escapes
But why do we do what we don’t want to do? In part, and this may be hard to accept, it is our own brain that is sending messages to quit. That an idea won’t work. The brain is an energy source and it knows that a new idea, a new effort will cause anxiety and stress. Thus it sends signals to quit, to give up.
RETRAIN YOUR BRAIN
Yes the brain needs a new workout. It must be convinced through repeated efforts that there is a new plan. The Gottman Institute and many psychologists agree that it takes 5 positive reinforcements to destroy and replace the one negative thought or comment. It is often very easy to disrupt another person and cause them stress. We must be careful what we say to loved ones. They will remember it for decades. They may never recover.
YOUR BRAIN IS ALWAYS LISTENING.
Buy it. Read it. Change your life. Dr. Amen says we all have A.N.T.S. Automatic negative thoughts. Dr. Joe Mancini says our thoughts can forecast our destiny. Dr. Joe is a major contributor to Born to be Brave programs.
BRAVE GOALS FOR KIDS : Esther’s Story
Well, her story is just beginning. She is just two years old as of this writing. She is optimistic, bubbly and loves to have books read to her. She is a leader of tomorrow but a sibling to her brothers today. She is courageous and is kind to others. Her mind is still forming opinions and thoughts. Like many children, Esther is learning what to think of herself and other people. Great care is being taken to nurture her mind, to love, to be kind, to preserve.
Do you have a short story of a child?